NewsLetter 4          October 2004

CROSS BORDER RAIDS IMMINENT!

The public are being warned today of increased activity by the group known as "The Rezillos". Usually based in secret locations in Scotland, "The Rezillos" are expected to extend their activities into mainland Britain during the weeks leading up to Christmas, according to intelligence experts these incursions are likely to reach as far south as London. "The Rezillos" are not considered to be dangerous, however the authorities do recommend that they should be approached with caution by members of the public, if anyone sees or suspects any Rezillo activity, they should report it at once to their local radio station. In the event of a ‘Rezillo’ attack, the public are asked not to stay in their homes, but to make their way, in an orderly fashion to the scene of the activity, as in the past "The Rezillos" have been successfully contained by large crowds of people.

Shadow Minister of Taste & Popular Culture Dr. Philip Collins is quoted as saying; "Perhaps they’ll eventually get fed up and go back home like The Jacobite Army and William Wallace did before them, but what do I know, I use made up words like ‘abacab’ and ‘sussudio’ in everyday language." A spokesperson for "The Rezillos" one Angel Paterson, popularly known as the notorious ‘Rhythmical Ali’ said; "We are just trying to gain support for what we believe to be a perfectly harmless activity, but what do I know, I actually understand what the words ‘abacab’ & ‘sussudio’ really mean.

The following report, -just in!, gives details of confirmed forthcoming appearances of ‘The Rezillos’:

Friday December 3rd: Newcastle, The Archer

Saturday December 4th: London. The Mean Fiddler 2.

Sunday December 5th: Sheffield. Club Zero.

Friday December 17th: Aberdeen. The Lemon Tree.

Saturday December 18th: Edinburgh: The Liquid Room.

Please report to these locations on the dates stated.

Stargreen.com    Ticketmaster     Aloud.com

Following these previously mentioned activities, "The Rezillos" will be releasing a ‘Compact Disc’ or ‘CD’ early in the New Year of 2005, which is widely rumoured to consist of "Recordings of Mass Distraction". These recordings were made for and broadcast by revolutionary dissident disc jockey "John Peel" in the late 1970’s during his ongoing occupation of the British Broadcasting Company. The ‘CD’ will also include seditious recent material recorded this year for subversive Scottish media presenter and radio show host "Billy Sloane" for his show on ‘Clyde FM’. Track listings for this forthcoming release, still tentatively titled "The Rezillos Radio Times"(According to intelligence experts) are as yet unannounced, but we will let our readers know as soon as we have further details.

In the true tradition of all great coups, The Rezillos plan to take over the airwaves to try and get their point across. At some point in the near future to coincide with the ‘English Incursion’, and as mentioned in the previous paragraph, a new "Rezillos" Radio Session will be broadcast by "Billy Sloane" on his ‘Radio Clyde FM’ show. Spokesman "Rhythmical Ali" states; "As we have no political agenda whatsoever, we’ll probably just play some songs, and have a chat with Billy, I’ll also probably do an abacab in the sussudio, like". Further details will be published in due course.

Mp3, cd, pvc, dvd. Here at "The Newsletter" so long as it rhymes with pee, we don’t care! But ‘United Nations’ sources can reveal that negotiations may soon be underway to acquire the rights of "Rezillos" vintage TV and video footage, which along with recently edited footage of the Edinburgh Hogmanay 2002 show, could mean a possible "Rezillos" dvd/video release (which will definitely not be titled "The Rezillos TV Times") at some point. Why doesn’t the government act now? Why isn’t something being done about this outrage?

Don’t forget to check in at www.rezillos.com if you haven’t seen the website updates yet, and keep sending in the feedback, requests for the ‘Lyrics’ section etc. etc. And most importantly, Keep Rrockin’ - it’ll soon be the party season.

The Rezillos